RJ Moved Her Blog...

Don't be mad - I needed better functionality. Just click on the following link....

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Markers and Glue

Here's how my weekend trip went down:

I did successfully finish the most boring paper in the world before I left town. EPA policy is actually kind of interesting, but the way I needed to write about it felt like the world's longest book report. At any rate, I finished that bad boy right before getting into the car and heading for Iowa.

Ahh yes, Iowa. I grew up there, mostly... aside from that foray into Oregon (that's another post, I'm sure). This weekend I went to see Beans and her fam in North Central Iowa. Off I went, into the corn... the trip was great. I don't know why I like road trips so much. Part of it was excitement over seeing the Bean again. I'd been looking forward to going ever since we made the plan. I also love long drives because it gives me some uninterrupted time to think. A little time to reflect on life, you know. I also turned 36 last week, another cause for thinking about the past, and the future. I really love school, but I tend to get pretty myopic about the whole thing. I shouldn't hone in on just one thing like that - it's not really healthy - but I like to say that I'm not obsessed, I'm just focused....

So anyway, there I was, thinking about things, singing at the top of my lungs, occasionally listening to my GPS tell me where to go - I love that thing. I really do. When I make a wrong turn, it doesn't even bother to say "Recalculating..." which is great, because it would say that all the time (I make a lot of wrong turns. Hence the need for the GPS). I did eventually make it to the casa of Beans and Co. It was such a beautiful day that we went to sit on the porch, where two things immediately struck me. Watching her boys play on the hill reminded me of when we used to run around her yard when we were kids. Things change, but they really don't, you know? Incidentally, this was also the nature of my second realization. She pointed out the zip line that they had set up in the back yard. I may have giggled internally, at that point. Many of you may know that I am an honorary member of the Upah family - they have a zip line in their back yard as well. Tom and I have been pretty close friends for about fifteen years, and over the weekend I was struck several times at how similar my two friends are, though I know they have never met.

Isn't it funny, how we choose our friends? And isn't it funny which friendships actually last? So many times in my life, mostly when I was younger, I sought out who I thought were the "right" people to make friends with. Then I would try to be someone that I wasn't - which never seemed to work out. It turns out that the right people have seemed to show up on their own. I didn't seek either of these two out, and I don't remember in either case when we became friends, but both of them have had a great impact on me. Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans, I guess...

And I digress. I got to meet husband Kevin and the teeny peeps (does that sound like a band name?), and the kids are quite cute in person. I had a lot of fun with them, actually. I always wonder what kids will make of me - I wear funny shoes, I have funny hair, and I also came adorned with a Band-Aid on my forehead this weekend (that's another story). But it all worked out just fine. Max (7) and I passed notes on Saturday night, much like his mom and I used to do back in the day. He wanted to know the basics of his mom's friend - where I lived, background ethnicity, that sort of thing. We exchanged some pertinent information - he's quite smart with words and he likes to hunt squirrels. Zach is 6, appears to dislike rhubarb, and is missing his two front teeth. I did get to see one of the teeth. I always kept my teeth too... Will is 4, and possibly the most expressive kid that I know. Over the weekend, I think I watched him use every single muscle in his face. Mya is 2. She was a little shy at first, but she warmed up to me after a while. We put some puzzles together on the floor, and I loved it. I have quite a few nephews, honorary and otherwise, but only one niece so far. She's quite smart, as well... Kevin and I didn't share too much conversation, but it's pretty clear how much he loves his family.

And the Beans? Well, what can we say about the Beans? I did not recall how much of a smartass she is. How could I have forgotten this? Perhaps I blocked it out... At any rate, one of the high points of the weekend was just trying to keep up with her. It was interesting - usually, I'm the one making people laugh. This weekend, I wasn't the only one...

We laughed a lot. We told as many stories as we could in the time allotted. We went through some of her family pictures, and found a few photos of the four of us at one of her birthday parties. In a couple of them, I am rocking a particularly fabulous sweater vest. I would describe it here, but it has to be seen to be believed. And I'm sure that it will be posted somewhere...

Here's something I didn't know about Bean in 1986: she's one hell of a cook. Seriously. I have never eaten like that, ever. Of course, my basis of comparison is me - and I just learned how to make popcorn. So perhaps I am biased in these statements - but I don't really care. We ate things I would never think of making, and they were all fantastic. She is also an encyclopedia of food knowledge - everything you've always wanted to know about food, but your mouth was full, so you were too polite to ask. I think I gathered enough information to be very afraid of anything that has been partially hydrogenated.

After the teeny peeps fell asleep, we diverted to the computers for a while. Beaner had some small things that needed to be done, and it was my pleasure to try and help out. I think it helped me more than it helped her - it has been a long time since my IT talent has really helped anyone directly. It was a nice reminder that I do have some skills that really help people, that I am in school again for a bigger purpose. I sorely needed that - it's been a hell of a semester!

And then we chatted deep into the night. I might have fallen asleep in the middle of a sentence - I'm not sure. I think we at least covered the major highlights of the last twenty years. Besides, you don't want to bring all your baggage on the first trip - it sucks to have to check it in. ;)

It turns out that I found Bean just as I had left her, with her feet planted firmly on the Earth. When we were kids, I was always so concerned about what people thought of my family, because we didn't have much. Now I wish I hadn't measured myself by such harsh terms. (My best friend didn't.) And now I get another chance to reconnect with something a little more important. I guess we shared more than markers, in those days...

The moral of the story? Be careful who you share your markers with, obviously ;). I walked away on Sunday with a lighter heart, a better outlook on the last few weeks of school and a brand new set of emotional attachments. I came back home to find out that Jazz actually ate something this time, while I was away - she usually doesn't. She was pretty glad to see me, though. I also arrived buttcheek deep in homework. The final push has begun - and the light at the end of the tunnel is not a train - I hope.

That's all, Gentle Readers. Happy Holidays, whichever ones you choose to celebrate.

What is the world coming to?

Don't try this at home, kids.

http://www.recipesource.com/main-dishes/meat/pork/spam/00/rec0018.htm

This Thanksgiving season, I'm grateful that I will not be eating any kind of chopped pork shoulder for dinner. At least, I don't think I will be....

Random Post, with Holiday Overtones

Bob Donlan painted this for me a couple of months ago - I finally found someone with a vehicle big enough to help me haul it home from the framers. Incidentally, free canvasses are never really free. I got this canvas from work - they were just going to throw it away, so of course I took it off their hands. I figured I would paint on it when I had the time - that was about a year ago, so you can guess what happened. Then my Bob happened by - I've always wanted one of his paintings, because they are so fabulous. The Donlan never disappoints...

I never frame anything, but lately I've been told that looks tacky... so I took this one in to be framed. This is when I learned the true price of a free canvas - it was a really odd size, so it had to be custom framed. Eeek. Had it been a regular size, it would have cost me about 25% as much.

At any rate, I now have a beautiful painting hanging above my head - although, since I was the one that hung it, it's not incredibly stable. We'll see if any injuries transpire.

In other news, I'm feeling a little holiday spirit lately. I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with the holidays - hate the religious aspects, love get-togethers (but it depends on the get-together in question). Tonight I splashed some Egg Nog creamer into my constantly-at-hand great big cup of coffee. My favorite Christmas movie also made it into the DVD player - It's A Wonderful Life. Go ahead, wince. Most of my friends do. I can't help it, though - I love that story. Perception changes everything, doesn't it? I generally put the movie on a loop until Dec 25th. Sometimes others sprinkle in, for the sake of variety, but Jimmy Stewart is my main guy for a while. I might be moved to put up my tree pretty soon - it's been sitting in my coat closet since last year. I love a good tree. Mine is short, like me, and it has mostly blue decorations. Until last year, I hadn't put up a tree for quite a while. No special reason, other than it's a bit of a hassle, and I like real ones better anyway. Last year I decided that these excuses were not good enough, and I'm glad I made that decision.

So - Jazz is looking at me like I'm a little nuts for being up this late. Going to finish my coffee and run off to bed - happy pre-holidays, darlings.

Once again, this post brought to you by Facebook...

Seriously, darlings, how many reunions can one short girl have in a year? Thank you again, creators of Facebook...

Yesterday afternoon, at Stokes in the Old Market, I saw some women I haven't seen in 18(?) years. The four of us were thicker than thieves in elementary school, which in this case was St. Patricks School - ahh, Catholic school. The (repressed) memories... I remember a couple of things about St. Pat's. We used to have to recite prayers in the main entryway three times a day: before school, before lunch, and just before dismissal. We also attended Mass on Wednesdays, before the official school day started. (My dissatisfaction with religion started rather early, as you may have already guessed.)

I started school in Mo. Valley in kindergarten, but due to some strange whims of the parental units, we moved away some time in the first grade. The strange whims ended in the fourth grade, and I returned to St. Pat's. By that time, my class was pretty small - there were just three of us. Of course, St. Pat's was pretty small anyway - so small that they put two grades in each classroom. Dana and Sara were the other two girls in the fourth grade when I came back. Sabrina was a grade below us, but in the same classroom that we had. Actually, I think Beans sat beside me. I can't remember whether it was proximity or fate, but either way, we all became friends.

Coming back to Iowa was interesting for me - I had spent two years away, one in Omaha, and one in Oregon. Actually, the plan was never that we would return to Iowa - my sisters and I were sent to Omaha to spend the summer with our father. Before the summer was out, however, we were informed that we were not returning to Oregon at all. We were all moving back to Mo. Valley, minus stepfather #1.

Our fourth grade teacher was named Mrs. Pitt, and I always had a feeling she didn't like me too much. This certainly could have been because I was always questioning everything. It's a talent that still gets me into trouble. Also, I think it might have been at this point that I decided I didn't like to do things the way everyone else did them. For example, in the fifth grade, I began writing my numbers differently from everyone else. They were the same numbers, just with a few embellishments. I also started my very own business at one point - reselling candy that I had bought at the Kum-n-Go (go ahead, snicker. We sure did). Also, when we made mistakes on our assignments, our teacher (Mrs. Solon) would require us to correct it and hand it back in for a few of the points back. I felt that this was a worthless exercise. This opinion spurred action on my part - every time I got an assignment back, I would add it to the crumpled ball of past assignments I'd been secretly keeping in the coat closet. These were eventually unearthed, and I was sent home, carrying the ball of corrections and a note for my mother. The note made it home, but the corrections didn't. I walked to the top of the hill and set the ball rolling down toward the school - and past Mrs. Solon's car. I figured I was in deep trouble anyway, so why not? You know me - in for a penny, in for a pound...

I really didn't care much for Catholic school. The bright spot was hanging around with my friends. As I remember it, we did just about everything together from the fourth grade until seventh, when Dana, Sara, and I went off to junior high. Random memories from that time include:

• Sara's mom was a really good cook.
• We were all in Camp Fire at one point. One year, we were completely rained out of our summer camp-out. It had been a great time, up to that point.
• We used to play "Light as a feather, stiff as a board" quite a bit on overnight stays. I can't remember what we were trying to accomplish, except that it was sort of a seance thing.
• We listened to an awful lot of Def Leppard in Dana's basement bedroom.
  
• Hair spray was used early and often. Not on me.
  
• Birthday parties were an entire weekend long. Dana and Sara's birthdays were close together in the summertime, and Beans had a birthday in January (26th?) They weren't just birthday parties, they were extravaganzas. We would go into Omaha to eat at one of Beans's father's restaurants (Firmature's? Cheyenne Social Club?) and shop at Westroads. That was a super-huge deal back then.
• Beans had a big family, and they had a cavernous maze of a house. I loved it. Something was always going on. I was extremely shy at the time, and Beans's father would always ask me if I was holding up the wall I was leaning against. I always answered yes.
• Dana shared her basement bedroom with her sister, Erin. Whenever anyone would come down the stairs, Erin would say "Welcome, (your name here)" in a voice that sounded like you were being welcomed into a cult ceremony. It was absolutely hilarious. Actually, I still do that to people.
  
• Dana's house had a breezeway. I thought this was the coolest thing ever. It was like you were outside, but you weren't.
• I saw Risky Business for the first time at Dana's house. I only remember because it was something I wasn't supposed to be doing.
  

All right, I could go on and on here, but you're getting the picture. Though I relished the moment I left St. Pat's forever, I hated leaving Beans behind. I think I wrote her notes for a while, but soon enough I settled into 7th grade, and started hanging out with Brandy and Shawna. We all traveled in different circles in junior high and high school. Dana sat beside me in high school Choir for a few years - we were certainly a force to be reckoned with. We giggled and mocked others, mostly. After graduation, I left Mo. Valley and didn't give it a second thought.

The story picks up three years ago, when my mother died. Her health had been bad for a while, and her extra curricular activities weren't helping at all. It happened pretty fast, and I wandered around in shock for a while. Out of the blue, I got a call from Beans. She'd heard through her family grapevine what had happened. We caught up over the phone that day. A couple of things made an impression on me: first, that someone I hadn't seen in 15 years would take time out to call me and see how I was doing. Second, when we were catching up she said she thought she would have found me in a big city somewhere, like New York. I remember thinking, me too.

That statement, along with the funeral, caused me to step back and take a look at a few things. I wasn't really where I wanted to be, and I knew it. I have always settled for less, simply because I'm afraid to fail in the process of getting what I want out of life. Isn't that silly? Failure isn't final. Self-fulfilling prophecies, on the other hand, are pretty damn final.

Soon after that, another friend approached me with the idea of going to school and getting a better degree. I smiled politely at him, and then when I got home later I laughed out loud. What use do I have for another degree? I mean, come on... Long story short, after a little investigation, I changed my mind on that one. Now I'm right in the middle of the process of changing my life (and getting out of this part of the country). Women in hot places, watch out!

So then half the world friended me on Facebook - including my elementary school cohorts. Dana was the first one I met up with over lunch at Old Chicago - from our first visit, it was clear that lunch was not going to be enough. I have since spent much time giggling with Dana - this has added considerably to my life.

I have to say that I was a little anxious about getting together with all of us - my personality is a bit different these days. I'm much more outspoken and opinionated than the little kid who used to hold up the walls. I never know how people will react to that. Also, there's always the worry that I won't have anything in common with people.

And once again my fears were unfounded. All of my friends are doing well. Sara is teaching and raising a lovely little family in Mo. Valley. Beans is raising a small army of tiny peeps in northern Iowa. Dana and I are the single girls, hanging out here in Omaha. Everyone seems well and happy, and it seems like we'll make this happen again soon.

One thing did occur to me, as we were sitting there, catching each other up. We talked a lot about family, careers, school, etc. It's interesting that I spend so much time hurtling toward goal completion, when it's often the simple things in life that really matter. Whenever I do a reunion like this, I'm always struck by the thought that I need to slow down, enjoy life, and let everyone know that I love them. Seriously.

So. It's late, and I know this because the guy who lives above me has started his nightly guitar practice. He's actually pretty good. Besides, this has gotten a bit sentimental! I don't want anyone to think I'm losing my edge....

Goodnight, darlings. The photo posted below is so you can know what we look like.

Spam spam spam spam...

I have no words for the extraordinary nature of this post. Like the Matrix, one cannot fully understand the nature of Spam. One must experience it for oneself.

http://www.recipesource.com/main-dishes/meat/pork/spam/00/rec0021.html

Halloween

These photos were taken during I shopping trip I made on Sunday. This will be my most unrecognizable costume ever! Those of you that can, join us at the 1020, Oct 31, 9pm or thereabouts. All are welcome... I promise, it will be memorable. And potentially emotionally scarring.

Midnight midterm break

Good evening, Darlings...

I have been informed that if I don't catch up on my blogging, and keep people informed on my whereabouts, then some sort of trouble is headed my way. So then, here it is, the full deets. Well, the partial deets, anyway...

I've been mired in midterms for about a week and a half now, with only a few instances of coming up for air. I love it, and it's an excellent direction to be going in, but it does get jam-packed sometimes. Speaking of colleges...

Many of you know that I went to a small, private college before I went to UNO - Dana College, specifically. At the time, I wanted to be a high school drama teacher, and their program is pretty good there. When I toured Dana, it also occurred to me that I would get a lot more opportunities to do different things - like be on the radio, for instance. Here's how all this went down.

It started with Mom, believe it or not. Due to a number of circumstances, we weren't speaking very much when I graduated from high school. After the ceremony, she asked me if/where I was going to college. I had been accepted at the University of Iowa, but I wasn't absolutely sure I was going to go. I wanted to, but it was a huge school, and I was afraid I would get lost. In a number of ways... Anyway, when she heard that I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing, she got this look in her eye, and she said we'd be touring a school within the week.

This was a bit weird, in itself. I went to humor her, more than anything. If you didn't know Mom, when she got that little glint in her eye, you just did what she said. It was really better that way. She took me to Dana the next week. She had actually considered Dana when my sisters and I were young (I think I was 10) but had decided against it, for financial reasons. I wasn't expecting anything out of the trip, really. I remember that they had a better deal for me than Iowa, financial aid-wise, and that I got a tour of the radio station. There was this extremely tall dude there, with 80's metal band hair. My first impression of Jon was that he seemed very nice, and he was patient with Mom as well. She was quite funny during this trip. I was doing my shy thing at the time, so as I remember it, Mom had more questions than I did. I really liked the radio station. I remember that the inside of it looked like an egg carton, because of the foam sound dampener they had stapled to the walls. Ahhh, memories...

I ended up choosing Dana, after all. Part of it was the radio station, part of it was the theatre program. I figured, and rightly so, that I might get more opportunities to do cool things like that at a smaller school. Though I ended up finishing my undergrad at UNO, my best memories were from Dana. It just seemed like we were more of a family there.

So why am I pondering all this again? This weekend, I took a (very short) break to participate in Dana's Homecoming weekend. I hear there was a football game - I'm sure it was fabulous - but I went down for the KDCV and theatre reunions. The radio station reunion was at ten in the morning. Unfortunately, I had to be at a class at eleven. I almost didn't go, because I knew I would have to leave almost right away. I also knew I would be tempted to skip class entirely, which would have been an utterly bad idea. Also, there seemed to be about a foot of snow on the ground. Snow. Another utterly awful concept. When do I get to move to Phoenix? At any rate, I set off for Dana on Saturday morning, hoping to rediscover some old friends.

I found the radio station, which was right where I had left it. Actually, it looked like the day we moved in - there were no posters on the walls. I found myself wishing we could get into the storage closet and put up a Tragically Hip poster, just for some atmosphere. When I was there, the station was plastered with just about anything we could get our hands on.

I hung out for about fifteen minutes with people I didn't know, chatting about Microsoft (those guys are going down, I'm telling you) when my friends walked through the door. I had seen Jon, Brad and Amy on the list, and I was quite glad to see them. It has been about fourteen years, I guess. A lot happens in fourteen years, especially if you hate sitting still, like I do...

So, I guess I've changed a little bit in the intervening years - my peeps didn't recognize me! Looking back, it's absolutely hilarious - I was sitting in the doorway, and they passed right by me. All sorts of things were going through my mind, including (but not limited to): When did I see these guys last? How did we leave things? Did I say something? Do I have any important clothing items that are unzipped?

None of the above, as it turns out. I'd forgotten that I used to wear glasses, and also that I used to have a ton of hair. At some point, we got up to look through the glass at the studio, and I stood next to Jon. It was at that point that he recognized me. I am here to report, hugging him is still exactly like hugging a tree. With arms. I got to hug Brad and Amy right after that - another good experience. Brad reminded me that we had met when he was the leader of my Orientation group. For Orientation that year we went camping - I'll never forget it. I hadn't been informed of the whole camping thing. Almost the moment I arrived at school, I was told to pack for a camping trip, and that we'd be leaving in an hour. That was almost the end of my college career, I'm telling you - I was intensely shy at that time, and the thought of doing trust falls out in the woods with people I didn't know was less than thrilling. If I could have found a way out of that one, I would have, but I didn't know how to drive. I was quite trapped.

I think I stuck to Brad that weekend - he seemed like a nice guy. I also learned that he worked at the radio station, and that he was friends with the tall Canadian 80's hair guy that I had met. I also received an invitation to sit at the Nerd Table for dinner when we got back - ahhh, the Nerd Table. One could always find a friend to eat with at the Nerd Table. Among my memories, there were many occasions when I would get to laughing so hard that I would turn bright red and not be able to take in oxygen - my friends would stand over me and yell "Breathe!" It only worsened the situation, of course, which made me laugh harder...

The moment I got reacquainted with my peeps, it seemed like I had to leave. I arrived a bit late to class, and as I came in, Dr. P teased me a bit (as I knew she would). I just smiled as I sat down. Even if I had explained where I was, I don't think she would have known the importance of that trip.

Later on in the evening, I returned for the theatre reunion. Again, I met up with people I haven't seen since about 1995 - this set seemed to recognize me, however. Austin and Jennifer were there, as I had hoped they would be. Way back when, we started a cult together - not too many people believe that story, but it's true. The Browns concur! They looked great, and it was cool to connect with them. We snuck into the prop room to look for a particularly realistic bomb that Austin had made once. This item was so realistic, in fact, that when the janitors discovered it on stage late one night, the entire campus was nearly evacuated. We only found part of the bomb - someone had dismantled it. Perhaps the janitors...

Another interesting find was a stack of books that I apparently donated at one time. To be truthful, perhaps it was less a donation and more a result of having no room in the moving truck. I took photos (to be posted later) but I left the books.

I reconnected with my dear friend Sue. It simply has been too long. Much of what we discussed generally does not belong in a public forum, but suffice to say I am looking forward to a more colorful life, now that she is back in it.

We saw Steel Magnolias, which is one of my favorite plays. Dana has some really talented actresses, and there certainly were some highlights throughout the evening. Not just the hair, either... Dr. Schnieder talked with Sue and I after the play, wanting to know what we had been doing. When I gave him my report, he said that he often found that most people eventually put away their theatre experience in favor of different pursuits. While that is true, I also think that my theatrical background taught me to be a much better communicator. It was a huge education in how to convey important information in small amounts of time. And who doesn't need to know how to do that?

So. Long story a tiny bit shorter, it was a trip I sorely needed to take.

Monday morning began with sadness, as I watched my left contact lens (accidentally) wash down the drain... it was my last box. I had to break the glasses out, which was just lovely. It certainly reminded me of my Dana days. I also think that they are the very same glasses, so it was obviously time for a replacement. I went in today - I should have them next week. Photos shall be posted.

Meanwhile, take care of yourselves - I'll try to update more regularly.

Back from the dead...

This is my shortest post to date - to let you all know that I am not dead. More later..

It's Done.

It's been a while since I blogged, but I can tell you that the main reason for the radio silence was because I couldn't talk about - My New Job! For fear of losing my old one, of course; that would be sloppy of me, very sloppy. I finally gave my resignation today - it was all very formal. I cannot believe I was there for four full years - that is my record for the longest time I have stayed at any one establishment. My plan was to stay there until I graduated, but as you likely read in that last post, some things came up.

In the end, I'm grateful for my personality conflict with my boss. It has taught me many things. I often have trouble with authority figures, especially when I'm smarter than they are (trust me, it happens). This time, I was able to not let it affect me the way it has in the past. Sure, it got on my nerves, but that by itself was just not a reason to quit. I had worked too hard, and though I didn't like her, I did like my work and my co-workers pretty well. Then the events of a couple of weeks ago happened, and the account that I've been working on for years is slowing down - all of these events converged at just the right time.

An opportunity presented itself at school and I leaped onto it and hung on like grim death. A couple of my professors wrote a grant for me to do consulting and research for the University. I'll be getting experience doing what I love to do, redesigning business infrastructure for small to medium sized enterprises. My resume will gleam, it'll be so exciting. It's more per hour, but less hours, so I'm looking for part time gigs to fill in. I think the best part of all this is that I'll no longer spend 40 hours a week focused in a direction I no longer want to go.

I didn't sleep a wink last night. My brain kept flipping between some stuff I'm creating on the website and what I was going to tell my co-workers today. Kind of a roller coaster of emotions, to tell you the truth. And after all that, things turned out fine today. My boss acted exactly like I expected her to act. It was amazingly easy to predict. And through everything, I just get to keep to myself. I do have a choice. I'm learning that the high road, in this case, is the path of least resistance. Nothing more needs to be said or done. Some people will die angry and lonely, and I won't. And that's enough.


That's all for now - I have to catch up on some work I didn't get done over the weekend. Further bulletins as events warrant!!

Rainy Sunday Afternoon

There's been plenty of rain in my corner of the universe today - complete with thunder, which Jazz completely dislikes. It is really cute the way she snuggles up to me when a big boomer comes along, but it makes it kind of hard to type with the dog in my lap. I'm finding myself pretty grateful for the little things today - roof over my head, dogs to hug, friends, books to read. I'm looking forward to the future, as well - many new adventures to come. More on this as the details develop! For now, I'm just going to grab a hot cup of coffee and continue reading.

It's on.

I decided this evening to post my resume on my website. Which does seem a bit dodgy, but what the hell! I'm putting it out there. It's probably about time anyway. Also, it's not that much of a risk, since my workplace is quite afraid of anything technological. They consider instant messaging suspicious. I think we still have an abacus in the back...

All right, rant pretty much over. I may end up taking it down, but for now it makes me feel better!

Night, all.


-- Posted on the run!!

That's right, third time today...

I just got home from a going away party - my friend Dusti is moving away. She finished her degree and is off to Maryland with Kip and the kids. I kept thinking - my turn next time! Minus the husband and kids part. Also, I'm sure I'll choose something hotter than Maryland.

I have so much on my to do list right now, but today I chose to get things in order. When my life gets cluttered, (especially mentally), I have to hit the brakes and clean it up. I love school, but I don't always organize my time well, and I end up paying for it. So, I'm trying to do it a little differently this time. Part of this is getting as much as I can done before the semester starts. We'll see how this goes for me - tomorrow is a big day.

Jazz needs her mom, so I'm signing off. Night, all...


-- Posted on the run!!

Wow.

My life almost drastically changed this morning - I was leaving home for a meeting, and on my way through the parking lot, and this guy ran right out in front of me. He just sprinted out from between a couple of cars - he noticed me just as I slammed on my brakes. It was pretty scary. He just kept running - perhaps the look on my face deterred him from speaking with me.

All this to say - life could be a whole lot more complicated right now, know what I mean?


-- Posted on the run!!

Potential badness

It was one of those weeks, to be sure. I went to a work meeting on Tuesday, where my boss introduced a "promotion structure". Long story short, I'm the only one they're not promoting that has been there over two years. In addition, when they read the list of qualifications, it sounded like a job I would hate. It was like I'd gone to bed, and overnight someone had rewritten my job description - for someone who is not me. Added to that we have my review coming up in two weeks. Not looking forward to that at all. Spending some deep time exploring options this weekend... Suggestions welcome!


-- Posted on the run!!

Mullets, and other interesting concepts...

I have never really thought about this particular hairstyle choice. The most I have ever thought about a mullet, until now, was that the people who wear them must be really committed to the look. It takes some focus, I think, to keep those layers going. I've never considered one for myself, though I have been told it is a sign of my people.

Never has this been more apparent than the bar we visited last night. I went with a couple of friends of mine, people who are a bit concerned with my dating situation. Needless to say, no progress was made on that front. I had a wonderful time with Ashley, Jackie, Drew and Melissa, though. Drew wore one of his favorite kilts for the occasion, and we had a good time dancing. I showed off some of my moves. My dancing prowess is not to be underestimated. And I did actually talk to someone I didn't know, which is progress for me... but then I knocked over my diet Pepsi. It kind of ruined the moment.

All told, we did have a great time, though I think I saw more mullets last night than I did the last time I went to the State Fair.

On to other topics... you all know I've been considering getting a PhD. This summer has been a good time to sit back and re-evaluate some things. For instance, what am I doing in school? What's my goal here? What do I hope to accomplish? I want to be able to do what I was meant to do - help people design better and more efficient computer systems. I've been doing this for years, and I wanted to find some way to make it my official job. I want to travel, meet different people, teach them how to work better, and make people laugh. Try typing that into Google and looking for a job...

I recently met someone who has the type of job that I want. She travels Monday through Thursday and is home on the weekends. She teaches people new computer systems. She doesn't have an advanced degree, either. Meeting her really helped my point of view. I made a few decisions last week, as a result. I decided to start networking and actively looking for a job. My graduation is a year and a half away, so if I start networking now, I will likely have made quite a few contacts. I also put up a website and am now doing a series of podcasts in my areas of interest. This is my world takeover plan - to use the website as a job interview/connection tool. If the people who are working the jobs that I want say that I need a PhD, I'll get one. If not, that means I'll be getting out there sooner.

I'm happy with this decision. It means that every day I can make progress on my dreams, even though the road seems long at this point. It also means that since I am taking a totally different approach with the job hunt, this time I'll probably have better results.

On a different note, last night I decided to wear my non-corrective shoes to the bar. It seemed like a good decision at the time, but I think I may have hurt myself when I was running across the street. And - here's the kicker - the knee I injured was not the one I had surgery on. I'll be telling on myself to my physical therapist tomorrow... I'll let you know what happens.

Finally, I cleaned out my closet today. Trust me, it was a good thing. Weight loss is fabulous, and I'm about halfway to where I want to be. My personal shoppers and I went out on Wednesday, and it was high time to pack away some stuff that just doesn't fit anymore. Also, I finally put my luggage away from the Arizona trip. I was a little sad about it, but I'm trying to make it so that I have many more adventures to come.

That's all for tonight, darlings - further bulletins as events warrant!

Prepare yourself. This one is the equivalent of a chick flick (no one dies at the end, though).

Our Arizona reunion story actually begins with another story - the tale of my 35th birthday.

Last summer, I took a class called Research Methods. It sounded like it was going to be a class about using Google, but it was certainly not as easy as that. In fact, it's all about statistics (math, in other words). For those of you that don't know, math is not exactly my strong suit. I knew it was going to be difficult, and at first I had the old attitude. You know, the voice in the back of your head that says - don't do it!! You'll never make it!! Quit before you make a fool of yourself!!

I'd been coming to a crossroads with this way of thinking for a long time. It has never served me well, but it's always the first thing I think when I'm in a tough situation. The default setting, one might say. I decided to try another way, for a while. I decided that no matter what, I was going to tell myself that I could do it, that I would find a way to make the class work.

It worked. I ended up with an A+ in the class, and as I was looking at the grade, I remember wondering what the rest of my life would look like if I applied that single idea. I began to think about my 35th birthday, and how I really hadn't celebrated my birthday in a long time. I decided that this would be the year that I would do something that I had previously thought I couldn't do, something that I was afraid of. I considered different possibilities, including jumping out of an airplane. However, it's just too cold to do that in November, and I am horrifically afraid of heights. No matter what I considered, it just didn't seem like it fit. I ended up taking an Economics test on my birthday, which may be one of the least fun ways to celebrate. I decided I would put off the celebration until I could find something I really wanted to do.

Fast forward to to spring 2009. Facebook is fabulous, and through it, Brandy found me first. I was a little hesitant to write her initially. I honestly don't remember too much about my personality when I was in the seventh grade, but I do remember that I didn't like myself too much. I wondered if I had anything I needed to make amends for, actually. We met up soon after the first contact, and it turned out I had been afraid for nothing. See past editions of the blog for the story about that event - it was momentous.

I found Shawna on Brandy's friend list. There were three of us that hung pretty tightly in those days, and these girls were my two best friends. We passed notes in class, and did things regular seventh graders do. I had some bad stuff going on at home, but I really loved school (still do) and seeing the two of them always made things seem better. Then, through a series of awful circumstances, we were split up. We kept contact for a while through letters. I really looked forward to the letters, and I kept every one of them in a trunk that I've carried with me all these years.

I never thought I'd find them again, but it happened. And I found a way to celebrate my birthday after all - by kidnapping Brandy and getting on a jet plane to see our Shawna. I think all three of us were a little scared, at first. Not that we wouldn't get along, but that after @#$# years (that was for you, Brandy) we wouldn't be able to relate to each other any more. What if our lives were so different that all we had in common was the past?

It was on my mind when Brandy and I were walking out of the gate. Then I caught a glimpse of a woman in a business suit, standing just beyond a column - and then she was coming toward us, as fast as her high heels could carry her. @#$# years vanished in about a minute. There was the usual hugging you'd expect, and I did get a little bit moist around the eyeballs. Another feeling came up at this point: gratitude. I was finally reunited with women to whom I never really got to say goodbye.

We left the airport and ran off to enjoy a fabulous couple of days. Shawna and Steve really know how to show people a good time. We got to meet new friends, catch a boat ride, hunt for rocks, and listen to the chronicles of Lake Havasu, as told by Shawna. We spent time with Shawna's son, Shay, who was fun to be with. We also had the opportunity to catch up a bit, and look through the letters that I had saved. It was interesting, looking at life through the eyes of our teenage selves. My favorite part of the trip was late Thursday night, sitting in the jacuzzi, talking about our lives.

All of us are doing tremendous things, in our own way. Brandy's raising a wonderful family, Shawna's busy with a son, a Steve and the beginnings of a career in politics, and I'm on my way to following my dream to be an IT consultant. All three of us are surrounded by people who love us.

In the end, I didn't have to jump out of an airplane to prove that I was fearless. All I had to do was be willing to risk a little bit, and it's really all I have ever had to do. It's funny, isn't it? The things we think we have to do to prove to people that we are worth their time. The people in our lives that really matter are the people we never have to rehearse for, people that love us as we are.

This is the part of the chick flick where someone usually goes off the end of a cliff - but not this time! Our visit seemed to be about putting away some of the past. Next time (next June!) we'll get to focus on the future, I'm sure. No matter what is ahead of us, it's better when we face it together.

Thanks again to everyone - it was the most fabulous birthday present ever.

Packing 101

Jazz did some quality camera work on this one.

enjoy the video!

We are now within 72 hours to the Shawna sighting - and counting.

They said I needed to update, soo....

Top five things going on in my life this week!

1) I made a luggage purchase this week - something that will be quite useful in my future career of getting on planes, trains, and automobiles. (The virgin voyage, of course, will be my rather exciting trip to Arizona. 17 days and counting, kids...) The piece of luggage is a Swiss Army 20" pilot's case - it matches my backpack, which I find necessary to take everywhere. {PS - If the Swiss are neutral, then why would they need an army? Points to ponder.}

2) I have decided that at my wedding, there will be no break between the wedding and the food. I attended a really lovely outdoor wedding this weekend (I have the sunburn to prove it). I had a pretty good time, but there was a two hour gap between the end of the wedding and the food. Wow, darlings. This is too much for a hungry RJ. I had some wonderful entertainment, of course - provided by my two nephews and my newest niece. I have long been an honorary member of the Upah family, and since Tom always works Saturday nights, I get to be Cindy's date at all official functions. The fam was quite entertaining, and I hadn't seen them in a while, so special bonus. Now if I can just find a bride....

3) To PhD or not to PhD? Dammit, why do I always have more questions than answers? I am still trying to make this decision. It's a helluva commitment, and also a high risk-high reward situation. I do want to do it, but I need time to sit down and do some productive research. {PS - Facebook apparently doesn't count as productive research.}

4) Physical therapy is good. It hurts, but it's good. Apparently, the arthritis that I have in my knees is a result of problems I have in my feet (not age, as my surgeon said). So, after thirty-five years, I am learning how to take care of myself. Better late than never, I have to say.

5) Tomorrow, as a result of my weight loss, I get to go shopping. My pants just don't fit me any more, so I'm taking action tomorrow night. My personal shoppers have been alerted, and we set off for wherever they suggest when I get off work. I must look my best for Arizona, after all.

All right, that is the update. Feel free to post commentary, suggestions, and requests - complaints will be deleted immediately.